Paradigm Shift from Victim to Creator
By Leroy Malouf, published on this blog 2021/09/28
From my first book, “Knowing and Living Your Purpose”©
Chapter 3 – HOW DID I GET HERE–THIS LIFE…THIS BODY?
In my early forties, I was thinking about how I came to be in this body and in this life. I believed that God created me. Then I remembered what I had read from the bible when Jesus said to come to Him and that He would save us.
I said to God, “Wait a minute here. You created me. I am struggling, and now you say you will save me! What a scam! This is a rigged deal! I want no part of it!” I flew into anger and rage and was driving down the road, cursing God. “You created this life of struggle just so I will want to ask you for help? You are a God alright, a God of manipulation!” I don’t ever remember being so upset! I decided to calm down and meditate. Sitting with my eyes closed, I had a spontaneous vision of being on a beautiful hillside on a bright sunny day. There was lush green grass, birds, butterflies, and I felt very peaceful. I became aware of someone walking up the hill.
When the person came into sight, it was a man, Jesus! He walked up to me and said, “LeRoy, I love you completely. You are fine, one with love, and perfect just as you are!” I realized this was a conversation we were having before I was born. He continued, “It will benefit you to be born and to live in a human body. You have choices. You can choose parents A, B, or C. This is what you will experience and learn in each of these options. And, you don’t have to do it! You can stay right here, where we are, completely one with and bathed in love. And, by the way, if you decide to be born you won’t remember this conversation for a long time. It is quite a trick to get this spirit into a human body!”
I was amazed! All of a sudden my anger was draining, fading away. I realized I chose to be right where I was, and where I am each step of the way, and in the moment. No one did it to me. I am not a victim. I created my entire universe! It’s up to me to discover and live my purpose and to develop myself to do it with ease and synchronicity!
This vision/experience had three major impacts on me:
- It rekindled the deep inner experience of unconditional love, and being loved and accepted;
- I experienced much fewer day-in and day-out negative reactions to what I was experiencing in life;
- It was yet another major turning point in my understanding of who I really am, and how I am going to live!
You may be asking yourself, “What does this have to do with me?” My clients often have anger they are aware of, or suppressed or repressed anger they are not aware of. Sometimes, they will insist they are not carrying anger, with statements like, “Oh well, everyone gets angry once in a while,” or “I may get irritated or frustrated, but not really angry.” When I check their energy, quite frequently there is underlying anger that often has been there for many years.
Anger is a normal human emotion, so what’s the big deal? Anger is like a gift that gives, and gives, and gives. On the one hand, we get an adrenaline rush with anger and feel energized. On the other hand, anger drains our energy whether we are actively expressing it or not. It builds pressure that is ready to be expressed, probably when we least expect it. Mine exploded with rage when I gave it the right “triggers.”
It’s much more difficult to be kind and patient while the pressure builds. It definitely gets in the way of building and maintaining supportive and accepting relationships at home, socially, and at work. Relationships get to be more of a challenge when either a man or a woman is angry with men in general, with women in general, or both.
Anger is also a challenge when either a man or a woman has been betrayed, has betrayed others, or has experienced that bad things frequently happen after good things happen, or whose experiences are that “love hurts!”
Being angry with yourself also has consequences in terms of “I’m not worthy or deserving,” “I always screw things up,” or “Nobody likes or accepts me.”
When you think of giving and getting, it’s usually with a positive expectation. But anger is like getting a gift that is the wrong color, the wrong size, and has no return receipt.
Aside from the above, there are not many consequences of holding on to anger!
It is like beating your head against a brick wall with the intent of hurting or getting even with the person with whom you are angry. In addition, when it bubbles up and we react in anger, we end up offending or alienating others as well as pushing them away.
I was fortunate to meet Jesus and to feel such immense love and forgiveness that my anger melted away. I had the same experience of love and forgiveness from my wife and others. It has helped me to forgive myself as well.
What if you cannot remember experiencing unconditional love and forgiveness, or it has not happened for you? Or, it happened and anger came back or you became angry again?
A first step is to remember and get neutral to your negative experiences of love being the only love you will ever experience, such as:
- Being put down.
- Putting others down.
- Not being accepted.
- Not accepting others.
- Not accepting yourself. (Very important, and addressed in a later chapter in the book.)
- Feeling guilty.
- Lacking confidence.
- Stuck in negative thinking.
- Being judged.
- Judging yourself and others.
- Fear getting into a relationship.
A next step in dealing with anger is to identify where it is focused. If you are angry, is it with:
- God, Government, Organizations, Authority Figures;
- All Men;
- All Women;
- Specific Men—how many, who?
- Specific Women—how many, who?
- Some other focus—what is it?
Sometimes, the inner awareness of where your anger is focused, along with the realization that our natural state is “Unconditional Forgiveness and Acceptance of Self and Others,” is enough. This awareness allows you to forgive God, self, men and women with no doubts, no regrets, nothing held back, and nothing needs to change. This can be an amazing, life changing, and, at times, spontaneous experience.
If it does not happen that way and there is still anger, a deeper foundation for being able to forgive is needed. I estimate that when we are five years old, we are 75–80% filled with unconditional love. I find adult clients are at only 25–45%.
You are not doomed to live with this lack of unconditional love. You can consciously fill your heart and chest with unconditional LOVE! Philosophers have spent centuries trying to define love. Let’s take a more simple approach, especially since our life experiences (such as “love hurts”) might make it difficult to define what unconditional love is.
There are three words for love in the Greek language that are translated into English as:
- Eros is “passionate, intense desire for something; it is often referred to as a sexual desire”
- Philia is “a fondness and appreciation of, and loyalty to, others”
- Agape is “love of God for man and of man for God and others”
The word became particularly relevant in Christian theology. Many have thought that this word represents unconditional, active, and thoughtful love. It is love that enables us to forgive others and ourselves, even at times when we are reluctant to do so.
The question then becomes, how do we build a deeper base for forgiveness? We do so by filling our heart and chest with the feelings and vibrations of unconditional love, joy, and acceptance. This is not just thinking about it. It is about doing. It is expanding these feelings within us. I ask those struggling with anger to remember times in their lives when they experienced unconditional love in order to define their personal understanding of love. They often have difficulty remembering such times. A way of connecting with those times is to remember what it feels like when:
- Touching and playing with a pet;
- Watching children play;
- Relaxing; being on vacation; watching fire in a fireplace or camp fire, a sunrise or sunset, mountains, or a body of water;
- Falling in love for the first time;
- Getting married;
- Holding or cuddling your babies and children;
- Being supported by a friend, parent, grandparent, relative, and mentor;
- Other times of experiencing acceptance, forgiveness, happiness, and joy.
After remembering these events (a person usually can connect with two or three of them). The next question is, “What were you experiencing during those times?” Clients report feeling:
- Joy, happiness, and fun
- Adoration, wanted, desired, and desirable
- Unconditional love and acceptance
- Becoming one, expanding
- Grace, peace, and sweetness
- Guidance and direction
- Great, comfortable, and warmth
As they are experiencing these feelings, I ask and guide clients to close their eyes and relax; hold a hand over their heart and breathe in several times; keep expanding these actual feelings while sensing the vibrations of them; and fill their heart and chest with them.
As these positive, warm feelings expand, I explain that this is a step into:
- Greater oneness with yourself;
- Deeper remembering of who you are;
- Expanding your own power;
- Shifting how you view, and how you are with, yourself.
Such shifts can also bring up resistance to fully filling yourself with love. I explain that I will tune in to any resistance that comes up, and help them eliminate the causes for these resistances. The typical kinds of resistance that come up are fears, limitations, holding on to blocks, believing it’s not possible, thinking “no way that’s going to happen,” feeling hopeless or not deserving.
I suggest you periodically remember your experiences of unconditional love and keep expanding these feelings in your heart and chest. Let it be OK for any resistance to come to the surface (there is info on how to clear away resistance later in the book).
Typically, clients fill their hearts and chest to 65–80%! The expansion and feelings give them a great foundation for forgiveness. Then comes the part of forgiveness, “How do you forgive yourself?” For every client struggling with issues of forgiveness, I tell them: “On your behalf, I’m asking you to forgive yourself.” Individuals often struggle with their willingness to forgive themselves. I address this struggle as follows:
“Can you forgive yourself?”
The answer is usually NO!
“Are you willing to forgive yourself?”
The answer is usually NO!
If no, “Are you willing to be willing to forgive yourself?”
The answer is sometimes NO!
If no, “Are you willing to be willing to be willing?” This last one usually does it.
When willingness is achieved, I recommend that clients breathe in a few times while breathing the feelings and vibrations of love, acceptance, forgiveness, peace, and joy into every cell in their body, top to bottom, and into all their energies inside and around the body.
I help clients ensure that the forgiveness is 100% by asking the question: “Does it feel like you have forgiven yourself 100%+?” If not, the individual continues to breathe the positive feelings into the body and energies until total and complete forgiveness is reached. Forgiving oneself is critical to forgiving others. Once forgiveness of self is reached, the next step is to focus on forgiving others.
I ask clients, “Are you are able and willing to forgive the others with whom you are angry (God, all men, all women, specific men and women)?” If not, ask, “Are you willing, willing to be willing, willing to be willing to be willing?” The last one usually does it. When the willingness to forgive others is reached, I suggest the individual breathe into his or her chest a few times and breathe out forgiveness like a big sphere of energy going out to others in all directions to the ends of the universe and beyond.
“Does it feel like all have been forgiven?” If not, repeat. Note how far the forgiveness energy goes and repeat if it’s only partial. Many times there are one or two men or women that have not been forgiven. If not, follow the same steps for forgiving the specific people.
While some people find it easier to receive than to give, others find it easier to give than to receive, in which case, it helps to consciously open the self to receiving forgiveness from others. For those who struggle with receiving forgiveness from others, I guide them to explore the joys of receiving. I instruct them, “Ask those with whom you have been angry for their forgiveness for whatever you said or did that created the situations in which you were angry.”
This is not to suggest one must go to every person in their life and “ask” before opening up to receiving. Rather, this step of opening up to receiving allows forgiveness to flow.
Once they are open to receiving forgiveness, individuals can visualize their forgiveness coming in like a big sphere. Receive and breathe the feelings and vibrations of love, acceptance, forgiveness, peace, and joy into every cell of the body, top to bottom, and into all energies inside and around the body.
Sometimes, people have difficulty receiving. I suggest they repeat until they have completely received. Also, it is beneficial to understanding our purpose to be more aware of the positive impact we have had on others. Thus, experiencing how you have helped others facilitates positive well-being.
In order to experience how valuable our presence is to others, we begin by remembering times in life when we have assisted, helped, supported, accepted, understood, and loved others. I suggest clients seeking to understand their value to others visualize, feel, picture, or experience that support going out from him or herself like a stream of energy, light, or water.
Then I guide them further by saying, “When you can experience this happening, visualize it making a U-turn and coming back to you with their appreciation, happiness, and thanks.
“Receive and breathe the feelings and vibrations of love, acceptance, appreciation, happiness, and thanks into every cell in your body, top to bottom, and into all your energies inside and around your body. “Absorb it! Soak it in! Realize this is another affirmation of who you are. Let this help you appreciate you at a deeper level.”
The conscious and non-conscious emotions of anger, resentment, revenge, and upset are strong barriers to knowing and living your purpose. When we are able to forgive others and ourselves with no doubts, no regrets, and with nothing held back, that wasted energy and direction goes away.
The feelings of unconditional love and forgiveness include relief, peace, calm, joy, lightness, harmony, and freedom. Nothing needs to change other than to remember to go back and be in this space! Then we are able us to understand at a much deeper level what is our natural state. It is easier to reflect on what our purpose is in this life, and we are able to be and live it.
Notes:1. Moseley, Alexander. “Philosophy of Love: An Overview.” Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2001. Martin: University of Tennessee at Martin. http://www.iep.utm.edu/love/
The article above is by LeRoy Malouf. I have not approached the topic of love throughout my Remen Q̅ writings. I was sharing this fact with LeRoy and he said I have an article I have written. I thought “Great” and the rest is conversational history.
Each of us have a different lens through which we interpret our experiences. I treasure them all. With an open and peaceful heart I invite you to read LeRoy’s writing. I also hope that LeRoy will be a frequent contributor to this blog.
LeRoy’s website is https://ewbp.com/