Emotional States

• Lost the sense of what is life-sustaining. Lost the joy of life. Lost the connection with mother nature. Lost the sense of those things we call small but nurture us at the deepest levels – the smell of a rose, the smell and taste of a carrot just out of the ground.
• There is a fire – inflammation – a sense that technology has taken control of our personal autonomy. There’s a realization that we are surveyed, observed, tracked, facially recognized, and manipulated. We exist as fodder for technology. We now serve technology. Technology no longer makes our lives better. A sense that we now live for the sake of the technology state. The human body has been weakened by technology. We have become the prey of technology. Instead of technology empowering our lives and serving humanity, technology now controls and manipulates, the human. We, humans, are now the harvest. The human now serves technology. The dystopian future of the movies has arrived. The human body is stressed. It has reached the breaking point of life in technology. We are at a bifurcation with technology; those that have adapted to the rapid changes and those that have not. Technology stresses the human. It demands a certain behavior that is not its core nature. You will either adapt or not survive the transformation. It is a life out of balance.
• Our bodies overreact to the viral invasion and when we overreact we die. Overreaction is the energy of boundaries that are the result of wounding. The source can be PTSD, growing up in an environment of abuse (physical, spiritual, or emotional), addiction, alcohol, misogyny (this is a non-gender specific wound), ancestral wounding, violence, a wounded creative core, smoking (this is abuse), etc. In this case, the violation of boundaries is the dystopian greed that has spread across the planet. We have allowed this dystopian greed to grow. We did not stand up to it when we knew it was growing in the darkness like a rot that would undermine our lives.
• The fires of being forced to conform and comply are burning through the whole of humanity. We have had centuries of one group trying to control, enslave another group. The collective anger has built. The desperation felt by one human set in motion a million fires of destruction, the butterfly effect. This was the tipping point. Fear now encircles the earth. There is a fire of anger from the hopelessness being felt and the fire of anger from the subjugation of the creative core. This is a collective consciousness. That anger is being manipulated into fear by the dystopian greed that would change nothing.
• There is a hanging on (attachment) and collection of the debris of our lives (the stuff of our lives that is gathering dust that we won’t part with). There is a rigid sense of life. Life has become regimented and dictated. The dictates tell you what you can and can’t do. The dictates tell you what you can enjoy and what you are not allowed. There is a denial of the wildness of human nature. That wildness is the connection with Mother Earth. The breath that powers your expression has been constrained, frozen and held. The freezing is caused by long periods of holding your responsiveness to life…real living. A need to not react to hold one’s breath, so to speak, to hold one’s tongue in the face of institutional subjugation.
• Globally COVID 19 is about the fire of anger. The fire of injustice. The fire of environmental destruction. The fire of the destruction of our mother. The fire of subjugation to the greed of a few. We have seen this fire as the planet burns. The greed of those that would withhold life-sustaining technologies from the planet. The greed of those that have bought our representatives…to destroy. The greed is a greed born of anger. Those that are destroying are destroying because they have been destroyed within. They were left with nothing of themselves. They became the altered ego for someone else. Their creative core was blackened by the trauma of others. They are the living dead. They have a body but no connection to the heart-soul wisdom. Greed and the false power it brings is the animating force of their lives. Everyone who has not pushed back at the destruction of greed has been a part of this dystopian greed. For example, if you voted to re-elected a senator who was overtly supporting the coal industry you have been complicit in the greed. When you make choices that are not good for the earth you are complicit.
• There is an unknowing and fear of being at ease. Harsh sense of reality brings disturbing visions of what is around them. There is a fear that nothing will ever be the same or comfortable again. Deeply angry at what they feel has been a betrayal where they were the unwitting participant in the ruse to support the global greed.
  Abandonment by those in authority. There was a belief that those in authority would help them and take care of them when they needed its support. The wounded creative core contract has been violated. There is a deep sense of powerlessness to take responsibility and get what is needed.
• Inflammation that results from not being able to let go of the struggle. Must constantly keep within the sense that all power has been taken.
• Worth is not derived from within but only from what is given you.
• Not allowed to think without being punished. Not allowed to be curious without punishment.
• Life is restricted to what you have been allowed by those in authority. Feels disposable.

UPDATE: In January 2023 I got Covid and each morning during the disease I woke up with this profound sadness. This was a sadness that was primal. Once the disease started to wane and I was left with a collateral cough and post nasal drip, the sadness went away. I experienced this sadness within the scope of my journey of understanding during a shamanic journey. My guidance was that this sadness was a deep aloneness that was endemic to the human species.

I touch that sadness and aloneness with many of the emotional pattern write-ups that I do. Much of the trauma work I have done with others hits the end of the thread of discovery when aloneness is encountered. Our journey with Covid as a global species may also be about all of the above but it could also be about transmuting the aloneness to a place peace within oneness.

UPDATE 2: A healer contacted me and asked that I do a write-up on histamine response. I discovered that there is a connection between Covid, a histamine response, and technology. I will be doing a podcast on that in October 2023. You can access the podcast through the podcast link.

Created Patterns

I am lost.
I am not good enough.
I must do what I have to do to belong.
I must go along with what I am told to do.
Fire will kill me.
Fire will destroy me.
Someone will hurt me.
I don’t know what it means to live.
Having joy is wrong.
Being joyous is wrong.
I am not allowed joy.
I am not allowed to be abundant.
I must pay for everything I have.
I am afraid of being seen as stupid.
I am afraid of being bullied.
I must line myself up with the bully to be safe.
I can’t strike back at the bully.
I must do what I am told.
People will take things from me.
I am overwhelmed.
I can’t handle too much at one time.
I can never have peace.
I can’t do what I want.
I don’t know how to react.
I will die if I don’t do what I am told.
Technology will hurt me.
I will be abandoned.
I am a failure.
I am invisible.
If I breathe I will be hurt.
I will be seen if I breathe.
I must never be me.
I must not let them see me.
Nature is to be destroyed so I may have my good life.
The earth is here for me to have what I want.
My heart will never be at peace.
I will never have peace.
We must take and destroy for the common good.
Others are better than me.
I’ve got mine that all that matters.
People need to help themselves.
I am alone.

Fears

Fear of not enough
Fear of fire
Fear of retribution
Fear that someone will take something from you
Fear of not having enough to eat
Fear of starvation
Fear of being homeless
Fear of technology
Fear of being left behind
Fear of being overwhelmed
Fear of dying
Fear of being wrong
Fear of having the wrong reaction
Fear of being found to be stupid
Fear of feeling joy
Fear of having joy
Fear of being found to be joyous
Fear of life
Fear of nature
Fear of being hurt
Fear of abandonment
Fear of disappearing
Fear of failure
Fear of losing everything
Fear of breathing
Fear of not getting what I want
Fear of being relaxed or at ease
Fear of the heart
Fear of the wisdom from the heart
Fear of losing yourself
Fear of their own sense of powerlessness
Fear that all is hopeless
Fear that what joy is allowed will be taken
Fear of their own humanity
Fear of the whisperings of the soul
Fear of being under attack
Fear of overwhelm
Fear of being alone